Missing

By Mac Guerreiro

It’s gone,
A huge chunk,
For how long?
Has it always been missing?
Eye’m trying to listen,
To give myself what eye need,
Eye’m trying but failing,
Grasping at nothings,
Because eye don’t know the difference between need and want,
Do eye want to be held,
Or do eye need it?
Eye can’t move,
So my brain does,
“You could have what you want,
If you hadn’t gone back to sleep,
Maybe you could have gone to him,”
It’s right,
Eye’m wrong,
Eye’ve been sitting here too long,
Because getting up means accepting,
Accepting that it’s all missing,
This enormous,
Important piece,
Eye want to eat,
Eye want to sleep,
Eye want to...

Physical

By Mac Guerreiro

No one tells you,
How long it really takes,
To collect those precious moments,
The occasional mistakes,
The years of talking on and off,
That you can stay connected no matter what,
No one tells you how they’ll feel like home,
And when you’re gone for too long,
It’s as if a bit of you is torn,
Little pieces left with each one,
Pieces of them left with you too,
No one tells you,
How necessary it is,
To have sisters,
Sisters of the soul,
Souls you’ll always recognize no matter how old,
No one tells you how long it takes to build that bond,
No one tells you how much it hurts when they’re gone,
Because energy doesn’t know time and space,
But my body misses their embraces,
Misses their presence, 
Seeing their faces,
Misses the laughter that would surely roar,
No one tells you how much you’ll miss them in the physical.

Still

By Mac Guerreiro

Eye can seldom sit still,
Until these moments,
When sitting still is all eye can do,
My breathing slows,
My chest moves alone,
Eye stare off,
Entering a zone,
A zone in which emotions feel dull,
And relief from the grief is worth the momentary lull,
No positive emotions can be reached here,
But the negative ones don’t interfere,
Eye wonder if eye could reside in this place,
Where numbness is the way,
Eye wonder if someday eye’ll stay.

Sing

By Mac Guerreiro

Some tweet,
Others caw,
Either way they say hello,
Always singing,
Their songs so pure,
Go unnoticed by accustomed ears,
Whom have learned not to hear,
They go about their day,
A beeline making their way,
Barely stopping to listen,
Forgetting to notice their songs,
Let us hope none ever go too long,
Let us all remember to tune in,
At least from time to time,
For we can find a remnant of the joy for which we’re searching,
In we only remember to hear them singing.

Eye Notice

By Mac Guerreiro

You hang up so fast,
Wonder if you know that eye notice that,
Sometimes eye try to beat you to it,
Seems silly,
Yet the silly things can often feel serious,
For a brain that’s unlearning the art of hyper vigilance,
You hang up so fast,
And eye can’t help but notice,
Because of my intense need for control,
Eye race you to the red circle.

Hate

By Mac Guerreiro

Hate for this body,
Hate for what it means,
Hate for the way it gets me treated,
Hate for the fact that it was never mine,
Hatred all the time,
A little monster running in the background,
Usually she barely makes a sound,
But she runs, 
She runs wildly,
She runs me,
And she’s been waiting,
Waiting patiently,
For her turn to speak,
“You’re a fool to think he’d still want you,
Look at you,
Look at us,
Do you even give a fuck?
You know the rules of this game,
Be at the top or don’t play”
But that’s not what he said-
“Doesn’t matter,
He’s not in your head,
I am,
Besides,
Don’t kid yourself,
You know he’s still a man.”

Looping

By Mac Guerreiro

Eye’m being a victim right now,
But eye don’t know how to stop,
Even though it probably really pisses you off,
Incapable of growth,
Far too slow,
Eye’d leave me too,
So eye can’t blame you,
No matter how hard eye try a part of me is always waiting for your goodbye,
Even when there’s a sense of safety for a bit,
It doesn’t last long,
Maybe eye am beyond healing,
Maybe Eye’m too far gone.
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