Better

By Mac Guerreiro

You apologized,
Yet eye can’t fully see why,
You’ve done nothing but try,
You’ve given things up,
You’ve shown me more than enough,
That you want to stay,
But what have eye done other than push you away?
Eye’ve created storms,
Storms that raged and left you worn,
Eye’ve pinned your hands behind your back,
While eye launched full out attacks,
Eye’ve told myself this is the way,
The way to feel safe,
By creating my own self-fulfilling prophecy,
Eye’m sorry,
Sorry for not saying “okay,”
When you said you couldn’t do this,
Sorry eye didn’t just stand and gathered your things in my hands,
Sorry for not being willing to accept,
For wanting to hold on the way eye am,
Because eye don’t know how to have you in my life if you’re not my man,
Sorry for not writing you more letters,
You deserve so much better.

Futile

By Mac Guerreiro

Why do eye have to break what eye love?
Why do eye push till the break?
Why do eye work to make you walk away?
Even though eye want you to stay,
More than literally anything,
Trying not to fall down the rabbit hole,
Full of self-pity and hatred,
That can’t be helpful,
Can it?
Trying to remind myself eye have power to change this,
So why does it feel futile all the same?
Eye don’t know how to stop caring if you go away.

Missing

By Mac Guerreiro

It’s gone,
A huge chunk,
For how long?
Has it always been missing?
Eye’m trying to listen,
To give myself what eye need,
Eye’m trying but failing,
Grasping at nothings,
Because eye don’t know the difference between need and want,
Do eye want to be held,
Or do eye need it?
Eye can’t move,
So my brain does,
“You could have what you want,
If you hadn’t gone back to sleep,
Maybe you could have gone to him,”
It’s right,
Eye’m wrong,
Eye’ve been sitting here too long,
Because getting up means accepting,
Accepting that it’s all missing,
This enormous,
Important piece,
Eye want to eat,
Eye want to sleep,
Eye want to...

Physical

By Mac Guerreiro

No one tells you,
How long it really takes,
To collect those precious moments,
The occasional mistakes,
The years of talking on and off,
That you can stay connected no matter what,
No one tells you how they’ll feel like home,
And when you’re gone for too long,
It’s as if a bit of you is torn,
Little pieces left with each one,
Pieces of them left with you too,
No one tells you,
How necessary it is,
To have sisters,
Sisters of the soul,
Souls you’ll always recognize no matter how old,
No one tells you how long it takes to build that bond,
No one tells you how much it hurts when they’re gone,
Because energy doesn’t know time and space,
But my body misses their embraces,
Misses their presence,
Seeing their faces,
Misses the laughter that would surely roar,
No one tells you how much you’ll miss them in the physical.

Still

By Mac Guerreiro

Eye can seldom sit still,
Until these moments,
When sitting still is all eye can do,
My breathing slows,
My chest moves alone,
Eye stare off,
Entering a zone,
A zone in which emotions feel dull,
And relief from the grief is worth the momentary lull,
No positive emotions can be reached here,
But the negative ones don’t interfere,
Eye wonder if eye could reside in this place,
Where numbness is the way,
Eye wonder if someday eye’ll stay.

Sing

By Mac Guerreiro

Some tweet,
Others caw,
Either way they say hello,
Always singing,
Their songs so pure,
Go unnoticed by accustomed ears,
Whom have learned not to hear,
They go about their day,
A beeline making their way,
Barely stopping to listen,
Forgetting to notice their songs,
Let us hope none ever go too long,
Let us all remember to tune in,
At least from time to time,
For we can find a remnant of the joy for which we’re searching,
In we only remember to hear them singing.
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