Blindsided

By Mac Guerreiro

Eye’d let it go,

Figured this was your way,

Didn’t want to intrude,

Wanted to give you your space,

But today eye learned that wasn’t the case,

Classic example of,

“People will see what they want to see,”

And that slap from nowhere hurt immensely,

Now eye go back to moments past,

Observing them with new insight,

My requests for inclusion seen through your eyes,

Were just empty cries,

Deserving of doubt and suspicion,

When eye truly wanted to be included in your vision,

To see it for myself,

To have it on my shelf,

Eye wondered why my requests always went unheeded,

Eye wondered why eye was kept so far if my support was something you “needed,”

Guess eye don’t need to wonder anymore,

Eye was kept out deliberately,

My newfound awareness deemed untrustworthy,

My growth deserving of questioning even when my effort was clear,

Now how do eye bring myself back Here?

To this moment,

The now,

When eye’m so crushed that closing off seems to be all that eye can allow?

Weight

By Mac Guerreiro

So much of it,

Everywhere,

Eye let it sit there.

Wait

By Mac Guerreiro

Eye can only do it so much,

Trying to stay in touch,

With that part of me that can see,

See completely.

Raw

By Mac Guerreiro

It’s a new world,

No,

It’s a new me,

Eye have to tread mindfully.

Core Wound

By Mac Guerreiro

Eye’m not scared because of my soul,

At my core eye know what is authentically me,

It’s the wounds down below,

My ever so soft and terribly scarred underbelly,

Eye feel out of control,

Eye don’t know how to speak,

How to act,

How to be,

Not even with me,

Eye want to grow,

To be better,

To have my own back,

To catch my own falls,

But right now it’s just feels like Eye’m ruining it all.

7:55

By Mac Guerreiro

It’s the AM,

Sleep hasn’t arrived,

Though eye haven’t really tried,

Keep picking my phone back up,

Feels like eye messed up,

Because if eye go to sleep now,

Eye may not wake in time,

To go sit by Mother Ocean’s side,

So chances are eye’ll stay awake,

Or try to nap hoping it’s not a mistake,

That’s what today will have to be,

My only anchor being tea.

Chaotic

By Mac Guerreiro

The initial state,

Point A,

Necessary to reaching point B,

Yet rarely navigated through easily,

Because to navigate through is to organize,

To delegate,

To decide,

To sit in the eye of the hurricane,

To use alchemy in the best way.

Find Me

By Mac Guerreiro

On the edge of the moon,

In the center of the stars,

Find me,

In the deepest ocean,

On a distant land,

But don’t go too far,

For you may find the thorny fields,

The haunted fences,

The gate to where all the sorrows go,

You’ll find me there also.

Open

ByMac Guerreiro

Option paralysis,

It’s a real thing,

When the day is yours and you still end up with not much doing,

Try something,

Maybe something else,

But the anxiety is still overflowing,

You sit and try to listen,

But you’ve never practiced hearing,

So you tell yourself you just need feeling,

You try to give it the fuel,

But you’ve always ran away from those parts of you,

The intellectualizing starts,

And you still haven’t fully felt your most vulnerable parts.

Secret Gardens

By Mac Guerreiro

The shrubbery is overgrown,

Weeds cover the flower beds,

It looks like it hasn’t rained in months,

Or maybe it’s rained too much in some places,

Broken faucets,

Brick fences,

Invisible gates,

Covered with persistent vines,

Many roses,

With twice as many thorns,

What to do?

Find a new plot?

Start fresh?

Or look for green where eye stand?

After all this is my secret garden,

My tangles,

My messes,

My blooms too,

They’ll follow me whether eye choose to leave or stay,

Because they’re MY disarray,

So there’s only one choice,

To remain.