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Eye Refuse

By Mac Guerreiro

Eye don’t understand,

Eye can’t understand,

Eye refuse to,

How one can can hurt void of remorse and walk free,

Although that seems to be the history,

In all honesty,

Well when does it stop?

When the souls of his victims begin to rot from inside?

Because the one who harmed them gets to roam outside?

With support from so many others who turn a blind eye,

It’s come to a time in which eye can’t separate my pain from theirs,

This could happen to any of us,

Anywhere,

Yet no one seems to care,

Not enough to say enough,

Not enough to put in effort,

Not enough to hold canceling to its name,

Well eye refuse to be the same,

Some will look at me with disdain,

A mocking glance at best,

Because on this topic eye refuse to rest,

Woman were hurt,

Are being hurt,

Are being SCARRED,

Because as a society we’re cowards,

So mock me,

Call me stupid,

Do whatever you’re gonna do,

Meanwhile eye’ll keep fighting for this world to be safe for #metoo.

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Free

By Mac Guerreiro

To see you this way,

Your body barely able to carry your weight,

It makes me wish to say,

“It’s okay,

You can go now,

Be on your way”

You taught me so much,

Taught us,

Taught us how to love,

It seems that you all do that,

You choose your students,

And along for the ride we go,

What a hell of a ride it is,

To have intertwined my life with his,

Till the day when the lessons are learned,

When our road is done,

And off you are to be One,

Your chosen form never gone,

Because in our hearts you live on,

Eye thought it would be harder because you’re going away,

Eye see now,

It’s harder to watch you stay,

But it’s just one more day,

One more night,

Thank you for waiting for me before taking flight,

Eye will always carry your light,

Within me it glows,

Through my actions it shows,

Eye’m so grateful to have been one of the ones you chose.

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Anxious Insight

By Mac Guerreiro

Eye’m starting to see,

Eye’m starting to see how this isn’t about me,

How a trail of hurt has left you scarred,

How for you this “relationship thing” is already hard,

Eye’ve been feeling wronged,

Because if roles were flipped forgiveness would have already been a given,

Bringing you closer to me once again would have been the only decision,

But the thing is that eye can see who you are,

Even in moments when eye feel that we’re apart,

And then eye check myself and ask,

“What is the image in the mirror he is holding?”

He shows me the unforgiving ice queen,

The aspect in me who can only see,

A reject or be rejected scenario,

And it’s then that my heart softens just a little,

Eye can understand what might be his intention,

In spite of the hurt from not being extended any compassion,

And the sting of not being given a well-deserved benefit of the doubt,

All of the anger is gone

And eye’m left with just the undeniable void that forms when his energy opts out,

It sits in my chest like a vacuum of sorts,

And eye feel trapped because reaching out is a last resort,

You see,

We’re not so different after all,

When eye feel rejected like this,

It takes monumental happenings to push me to make the first call,

That’s not to say eye’m not an ever-shifting ball of anxiety,

One moment fine,

The next curled up and crying,

Hoping the phone will ring and it’ll be him calling,

And eye know that eye’d come running,

Even not knowing what the best option could be,

Getting close again would be my first priority,

As eye write eye can’t help but see,

How the knowing that he’ll read this is impacting me,

Feeling more vulnerable than usual,

Eye’ll tap the final keys,

Eye hope eventually even in anger and rage,

You figure out a way to see me.

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Sisters

By Mac Guerreiro

There used to be many of us,

Eye supposed we are all still here,

Merely disconnect by ignorance and fear,

But not merely,

Our disconnection has caused destruction,

It is mirrored in the calloused way many regard the Mother,

Picking her flowers and polluting her waters,

Killing her young and ancient alike,

Asking that this cease isn’t enough,

Because the problem lies within us,

Within the sisterhoods that we’re swallowed by time,

Swallowed by crimes,

Crimes of men whom feared the power,

The power deriving from the ultimate flower,

Unaware that this power wants to be shared,

Shared with the masculine that proves to be grown,

The one whom can hold his own and provide space,

Space for her energy to glow,

Flow and grow,

The ancient ones knew,

They provided red tents for us during our moons,

Brought us food and provided protection,

In exchange for the magic connection,

One we must reignite,

By joining hands in shadow and in light,

The integration begins when the sisters reunite.

Prayers from My Inner Child

By Mac Guerreiri

Dear god and goddess,
It’s really hard to be here some days,
This is the first year eye’ve contemplated wanting to go away,
But I stay,
I stay because there’s a way,
A way to do what you told me to,
What we decided I’d do,
Remind them to never let go,
Of their childlike soul,
To play and be silly,
To cry courageously,
Some days it doesn’t feel like it’s working,
People can be so mean when they think no one is looking,
But eye’ll keep going,
Because in all the pain,
There’s a knowing,
Like cool rain,
It’s refreshing,
People are listening,
They’re really truly listening,
They’re finding their hearts,
They’re seeing their angels,
They’re putting stake into the things they can’t see,
And me?
I think I might be extraordinary,
You told me to bring all my magic,
From lifetimes before,
You didn’t tell me it’s be so much more,
It overwhelmed me at first,
But now I’m learning how it works,
Sometimes I wonder why it couldn’t be this way from the start,
But then I remember to trust my part,
The part we created,
Our work of art,
Dear goddess and god,
Thank you for your love,
Thank you for watching over me from above,
And to my guides and angels too,
Eye love you.

Bubble Girl

By Mac Guerreiro

Call it a bubble,
But it’s more like a shell,
The bubble from hell,
Trapped inside,
It follows me so,
Holds me together wherever eye go,
Until the moment it gets to be too much,
The shell becomes solid,
Shutting me up,
Up in my own spirals,
Turning to hurricanes at every turn,
Up in my feelings that straight up burn,
Up in my self-created hell,
Yet you’d never be able to tell,
As the water boils inside my shell.

Selfish

By Mac Guerreiro

What’s your definition anyway?
Because eye can no longer tell,
Because from the very beginning that word has been giving me hell,
Eye was selfish for this,
Selfish for that,
Most of the time eye was simply trying to get a need met,
So maybe that means that now eye am,
Maybe the most selfish of all,
It feels like he believes so,
A selfish girl,
With no room for others in my world,
But what if that really doesn’t feel to be so?
Is this a blind spot?
Am eye dooming us to rot?
Eye don’t know anymore,
And eye can’t feel a thing,
For once,
Eye’m grateful for this numbing.

Don’t

By Mac Guerreiro

Don’t think about how he’ll read this,
Don’t,
Because then you may not write,
Keep breathing,
Everything feels so tight,
Preparing for the worst,
It already hurts,
My only solution,
To remove myself from the equation,
Hard to see other options from here,
Hard to see through the fear.

Should

By Mac Guerreiro

Eye should be able to,
Fill in the blank,
To work towards my goals,
To learn how to follow routines,
To wake when eye’d like and wind down too,
Eye should be able to,
To write and create,
To sell those creations,
To build something,
Yet it’s nothing,
Nothing concrete,
When a step forward is taken,
It’s hindered by the two taken back,
When it feels like eye can,
It becomes clear what’s in my head,
Enough to create greatness,
Yet none of the structure,
No boxes,
Not permanent ones anyway,
And soon any progress eye amounted to falls away,
And eye can’t even explain,
Explain to him what it is to live here,
One big child,
Who needs so much help,
And feels incapable of helping herself.

Wish Eye Had

By Mac Guerreiro

Eye know eye said it was okay,
Eye shouldn’t have,
But eye had nothing else to say,
Eye know eye said eye’d just go home,
Eye shouldn’t have,
Because eye didn’t,
Eye wondered,
Wandered till eye found a sedative,
Then eye sat,
Car still running,
Wishing eye said other things,
Things that helped you see,
See the help eye was seeking,
Eye wish eye had driven back,
Not bothered to ask,
Wishes that fall through my fingertips,
Because it’s far too late for all of it,
Eye know eye said it was okay,
Eye wish eye had said it wasn’t,
Because it really hasn’t been,
Hopefully tomorrow’s a new day,
Eye wish eye had stayed.

Maybe

By Mac Guerreiro

Maybe if eye drive till midnight,
Maybe if eye eat the worst,
Maybe if eye drink,
Maybe,
Maybe eye’ll escape,
Maybe eye’ll get to,
Just this time,
But it won’t be,
So where does this leave me?
Trying to create the opposite feels impossible,
Walking through the door feels that way too,
It all feels like lose-lose,
Maybe if eye stay in my car,
Stay till Eye’m so done eye have to make my way,
Maybe.

What Happened?

By Mac Guerreiro

There was a time when eye’d drive there,
To the places my heart is calling to,
There was a time my hands would move,
And my brain would keep its mouth shut,
Eye’d smell the sea air before parking,
Eye’d move towards her,
Or eye might drive back his way,
Not to him but to the place,
The place my skates have recently called home,
Eye’ve much desire,
Yet in the way of courage eye’ve none,
So eye drive,
Aimless,
Alone,
Hoping the notes eye hear bring out my own song,
One of tears and sobs eye can’t explain,
What happened to the girl from before,
Who would go if her heart asked her to?
If she’s still in here she seems to be lost,
And eye need to find here whatever the cost.

Girl

By Mac Guerreiro

Why did you ask?
Stupid girl,
You knew he’d say no,
That he’d say ‘just head home’
But you asked,
Asked because you didn’t want to be alone,
Because it’s harder for you to get started on your own,
Stupid girl,
With your girlish ways,
Can’t seem to communicate directly,
Stupid girl,
When will you learn?
When will you grow?
When will eye stop feeling,
Like a scared,
Stupid,
Girl?
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