Eye Refuse

By Mac Guerreiro

Eye don’t understand,

Eye can’t understand,

Eye refuse to,

How one can can hurt void of remorse and walk free,

Although that seems to be the history,

In all honesty,

Well when does it stop?

When the souls of his victims begin to rot from inside?

Because the one who harmed them gets to roam outside?

With support from so many others who turn a blind eye,

It’s come to a time in which eye can’t separate my pain from theirs,

This could happen to any of us,


Yet no one seems to care,

Not enough to say enough,

Not enough to put in effort,

Not enough to hold canceling to its name,

Well eye refuse to be the same,

Some will look at me with disdain,

A mocking glance at best,

Because on this topic eye refuse to rest,

Woman were hurt,

Are being hurt,

Are being SCARRED,

Because as a society we’re cowards,

So mock me,

Call me stupid,

Do whatever you’re gonna do,

Meanwhile eye’ll keep fighting for this world to be safe for #metoo.



By Mac Guerreiro

To see you this way,

Your body barely able to carry your weight,

It makes me wish to say,

“It’s okay,

You can go now,

Be on your way”

You taught me so much,

Taught us,

Taught us how to love,

It seems that you all do that,

You choose your students,

And along for the ride we go,

What a hell of a ride it is,

To have intertwined my life with his,

Till the day when the lessons are learned,

When our road is done,

And off you are to be One,

Your chosen form never gone,

Because in our hearts you live on,

Eye thought it would be harder because you’re going away,

Eye see now,

It’s harder to watch you stay,

But it’s just one more day,

One more night,

Thank you for waiting for me before taking flight,

Eye will always carry your light,

Within me it glows,

Through my actions it shows,

Eye’m so grateful to have been one of the ones you chose.


Anxious Insight

By Mac Guerreiro

Eye’m starting to see,

Eye’m starting to see how this isn’t about me,

How a trail of hurt has left you scarred,

How for you this “relationship thing” is already hard,

Eye’ve been feeling wronged,

Because if roles were flipped forgiveness would have already been a given,

Bringing you closer to me once again would have been the only decision,

But the thing is that eye can see who you are,

Even in moments when eye feel that we’re apart,

And then eye check myself and ask,

“What is the image in the mirror he is holding?”

He shows me the unforgiving ice queen,

The aspect in me who can only see,

A reject or be rejected scenario,

And it’s then that my heart softens just a little,

Eye can understand what might be his intention,

In spite of the hurt from not being extended any compassion,

And the sting of not being given a well-deserved benefit of the doubt,

All of the anger is gone

And eye’m left with just the undeniable void that forms when his energy opts out,

It sits in my chest like a vacuum of sorts,

And eye feel trapped because reaching out is a last resort,

You see,

We’re not so different after all,

When eye feel rejected like this,

It takes monumental happenings to push me to make the first call,

That’s not to say eye’m not an ever-shifting ball of anxiety,

One moment fine,

The next curled up and crying,

Hoping the phone will ring and it’ll be him calling,

And eye know that eye’d come running,

Even not knowing what the best option could be,

Getting close again would be my first priority,

As eye write eye can’t help but see,

How the knowing that he’ll read this is impacting me,

Feeling more vulnerable than usual,

Eye’ll tap the final keys,

Eye hope eventually even in anger and rage,

You figure out a way to see me.



By Mac Guerreiro

There used to be many of us,

Eye supposed we are all still here,

Merely disconnect by ignorance and fear,

But not merely,

Our disconnection has caused destruction,

It is mirrored in the calloused way many regard the Mother,

Picking her flowers and polluting her waters,

Killing her young and ancient alike,

Asking that this cease isn’t enough,

Because the problem lies within us,

Within the sisterhoods that we’re swallowed by time,

Swallowed by crimes,

Crimes of men whom feared the power,

The power deriving from the ultimate flower,

Unaware that this power wants to be shared,

Shared with the masculine that proves to be grown,

The one whom can hold his own and provide space,

Space for her energy to glow,

Flow and grow,

The ancient ones knew,

They provided red tents for us during our moons,

Brought us food and provided protection,

In exchange for the magic connection,

One we must reignite,

By joining hands in shadow and in light,

The integration begins when the sisters reunite.


By Mac Guerreiro

Maybe you’re right,
What you said last night,
Maybe this should end,
We could be friends,
Eye remember when,
That word started falling short,
When eye finally saw,
Saw what eye’d missed many times before,
The longing,
The wishing,
The wanting to be “her,”
What a different time that was,
Eye love you with all of my soul,
Maybe that means eye need to let you go.


By Mac Guerreiro

You apologized,
Yet eye can’t fully see why,
You’ve done nothing but try,
You’ve given things up,
You’ve shown me more than enough,
That you want to stay,
But what have eye done other than push you away?
Eye’ve created storms,
Storms that raged and left you worn,
Eye’ve pinned your hands behind your back,
While eye launched full out attacks,
Eye’ve told myself this is the way,
The way to feel safe,
By creating my own self-fulfilling prophecy,
Eye’m sorry,
Sorry for not saying “okay,”
When you said you couldn’t do this,
Sorry eye didn’t just stand and gathered your things in my hands,
Sorry for not being willing to accept,
For wanting to hold on the way eye am,
Because eye don’t know how to have you in my life if you’re not my man,
Sorry for not writing you more letters,
You deserve so much better.


By Mac Guerreiro

Why do eye have to break what eye love?
Why do eye push till the break?
Why do eye work to make you walk away?
Even though eye want you to stay,
More than literally anything,
Trying not to fall down the rabbit hole,
Full of self-pity and hatred,
That can’t be helpful,
Can it?
Trying to remind myself eye have power to change this,
So why does it feel futile all the same?
Eye don’t know how to stop caring if you go away.


By Mac Guerreiro

It’s gone,
A huge chunk,
For how long?
Has it always been missing?
Eye’m trying to listen,
To give myself what eye need,
Eye’m trying but failing,
Grasping at nothings,
Because eye don’t know the difference between need and want,
Do eye want to be held,
Or do eye need it?
Eye can’t move,
So my brain does,
“You could have what you want,
If you hadn’t gone back to sleep,
Maybe you could have gone to him,”
It’s right,
Eye’m wrong,
Eye’ve been sitting here too long,
Because getting up means accepting,
Accepting that it’s all missing,
This enormous,
Important piece,
Eye want to eat,
Eye want to sleep,
Eye want to...


By Mac Guerreiro

No one tells you,
How long it really takes,
To collect those precious moments,
The occasional mistakes,
The years of talking on and off,
That you can stay connected no matter what,
No one tells you how they’ll feel like home,
And when you’re gone for too long,
It’s as if a bit of you is torn,
Little pieces left with each one,
Pieces of them left with you too,
No one tells you,
How necessary it is,
To have sisters,
Sisters of the soul,
Souls you’ll always recognize no matter how old,
No one tells you how long it takes to build that bond,
No one tells you how much it hurts when they’re gone,
Because energy doesn’t know time and space,
But my body misses their embraces,
Misses their presence,
Seeing their faces,
Misses the laughter that would surely roar,
No one tells you how much you’ll miss them in the physical.


By Mac Guerreiro

Eye can seldom sit still,
Until these moments,
When sitting still is all eye can do,
My breathing slows,
My chest moves alone,
Eye stare off,
Entering a zone,
A zone in which emotions feel dull,
And relief from the grief is worth the momentary lull,
No positive emotions can be reached here,
But the negative ones don’t interfere,
Eye wonder if eye could reside in this place,
Where numbness is the way,
Eye wonder if someday eye’ll stay.


By Mac Guerreiro

Some tweet,
Others caw,
Either way they say hello,
Always singing,
Their songs so pure,
Go unnoticed by accustomed ears,
Whom have learned not to hear,
They go about their day,
A beeline making their way,
Barely stopping to listen,
Forgetting to notice their songs,
Let us hope none ever go too long,
Let us all remember to tune in,
At least from time to time,
For we can find a remnant of the joy for which we’re searching,
In we only remember to hear them singing.
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