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Eye Refuse

By Mac Guerreiro

Eye don’t understand,

Eye can’t understand,

Eye refuse to,

How one can can hurt void of remorse and walk free,

Although that seems to be the history,

In all honesty,

Well when does it stop?

When the souls of his victims begin to rot from inside?

Because the one who harmed them gets to roam outside?

With support from so many others who turn a blind eye,

It’s come to a time in which eye can’t separate my pain from theirs,

This could happen to any of us,

Anywhere,

Yet no one seems to care,

Not enough to say enough,

Not enough to put in effort,

Not enough to hold canceling to its name,

Well eye refuse to be the same,

Some will look at me with disdain,

A mocking glance at best,

Because on this topic eye refuse to rest,

Woman were hurt,

Are being hurt,

Are being SCARRED,

Because as a society we’re cowards,

So mock me,

Call me stupid,

Do whatever you’re gonna do,

Meanwhile eye’ll keep fighting for this world to be safe for #metoo.

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Free

By Mac Guerreiro

To see you this way,

Your body barely able to carry your weight,

It makes me wish to say,

“It’s okay,

You can go now,

Be on your way”

You taught me so much,

Taught us,

Taught us how to love,

It seems that you all do that,

You choose your students,

And along for the ride we go,

What a hell of a ride it is,

To have intertwined my life with his,

Till the day when the lessons are learned,

When our road is done,

And off you are to be One,

Your chosen form never gone,

Because in our hearts you live on,

Eye thought it would be harder because you’re going away,

Eye see now,

It’s harder to watch you stay,

But it’s just one more day,

One more night,

Thank you for waiting for me before taking flight,

Eye will always carry your light,

Within me it glows,

Through my actions it shows,

Eye’m so grateful to have been one of the ones you chose.

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Anxious Insight

By Mac Guerreiro

Eye’m starting to see,

Eye’m starting to see how this isn’t about me,

How a trail of hurt has left you scarred,

How for you this “relationship thing” is already hard,

Eye’ve been feeling wronged,

Because if roles were flipped forgiveness would have already been a given,

Bringing you closer to me once again would have been the only decision,

But the thing is that eye can see who you are,

Even in moments when eye feel that we’re apart,

And then eye check myself and ask,

“What is the image in the mirror he is holding?”

He shows me the unforgiving ice queen,

The aspect in me who can only see,

A reject or be rejected scenario,

And it’s then that my heart softens just a little,

Eye can understand what might be his intention,

In spite of the hurt from not being extended any compassion,

And the sting of not being given a well-deserved benefit of the doubt,

All of the anger is gone

And eye’m left with just the undeniable void that forms when his energy opts out,

It sits in my chest like a vacuum of sorts,

And eye feel trapped because reaching out is a last resort,

You see,

We’re not so different after all,

When eye feel rejected like this,

It takes monumental happenings to push me to make the first call,

That’s not to say eye’m not an ever-shifting ball of anxiety,

One moment fine,

The next curled up and crying,

Hoping the phone will ring and it’ll be him calling,

And eye know that eye’d come running,

Even not knowing what the best option could be,

Getting close again would be my first priority,

As eye write eye can’t help but see,

How the knowing that he’ll read this is impacting me,

Feeling more vulnerable than usual,

Eye’ll tap the final keys,

Eye hope eventually even in anger and rage,

You figure out a way to see me.

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Sisters

By Mac Guerreiro

There used to be many of us,

Eye supposed we are all still here,

Merely disconnect by ignorance and fear,

But not merely,

Our disconnection has caused destruction,

It is mirrored in the calloused way many regard the Mother,

Picking her flowers and polluting her waters,

Killing her young and ancient alike,

Asking that this cease isn’t enough,

Because the problem lies within us,

Within the sisterhoods that we’re swallowed by time,

Swallowed by crimes,

Crimes of men whom feared the power,

The power deriving from the ultimate flower,

Unaware that this power wants to be shared,

Shared with the masculine that proves to be grown,

The one whom can hold his own and provide space,

Space for her energy to glow,

Flow and grow,

The ancient ones knew,

They provided red tents for us during our moons,

Brought us food and provided protection,

In exchange for the magic connection,

One we must reignite,

By joining hands in shadow and in light,

The integration begins when the sisters reunite.

Us

By Mac Guerreiro

And there we were,
The two of us united,
Enacting the “Endgame Plan,”
Hearing our other team members “assemble,”
Forgetting their sibling rivalries,
And workin together to “defeat,”
Their common enemy,
You and me,
The moment hit my heart,
A real possibility,
Sometimes eye think on it,
You’re wanting to do this,
And the feelings are overwhelming,
Because eye’ve always known the truth,
That eye’ve been a long time,
Long time,
Searching for you.

Hard Learning

By Mac Guerreiro

Eye should have known better,
Eye can honor that,
Eye supposed eye just didn’t expect it,
For your limited views of something to obscure your knowledge of me,
The years of friendship,
Of growing,
Of learning,
Of being ourselves unapologetically,
It’s clear now,
Because you felt the need to clarify,
As if who eye am wasn’t enough,
Enough to let you know that a girls’ weekend isn’t the same as your day,
That eye would never bring or do anything that would cause you shame,
Eye made a mistake by sharing what eye did,
But it showed me where we stand,
You said you love and honor me but your warnings showed a shadow,
One in which you have to make sure eye don’t go off the handle,
As if eye didn’t already know,
As if the circumstance wasn’t special,
Which eye know how special it is,
But my sharing what eye did,
Caused it all to flip,
Eye love you dearly yet Eye’m so hurt,
Because your biased knowledge of something lead your perception of me to be curbed,
To the point in which we couldn’t even have this chat on the phone,
It was over a text,
Eye really wish who eye am had been enough to give you context.

Shut Off

By Mac Guerreiro

The dead plants have become a fixture,
The boxes too,
And now add the clothes and the dishes,
They won’t get done,
Not tonight,
Eye’ve barely enough energy to set myself right,
As right as eye’ll get,
We’ll see how much that is,
Eye’d like to think eye’ll do it all,
The repotting,
The washing,
The throwing away,
But knowing me eye won’t have that energy,
So eye need to decide what’s more important,
What NEEDS doing,
And those decisions feel impossible to make,
When eye can’t think,
Just feel,
Overwhelmed,
Overrun,
Incapable,
And now powerless too,
Eye just want to shut this all off,
My mind and my
Heart too.

3 AM

By Mac Guerreiro

My jaw is tight,
Eye look around and you’re gone,
We didn’t mean to fall asleep for one,
For two,
It felt good,
But then you leave and it’s just me and anxiety,
About the mess that’s everywhere,
The dishes that aren’t done,
The water that needs to be run,
But doing it now isn’t going to solve anything,
Eye’ll be anxiety itself buzzing,
Tiring myself out in the worst way,
Because there’s no getting it done positively from this place,
It’s on me,
Eye should have set an alarm,
Again,
Now it’s too late,
At 3 am.

Bricks

By Mac Guerreiro

It’s just a unpacking,
It’s not that much,
But it is,
And it hits me like tons of bricks,
Because my dishes aren’t done either,
And it feels that eye have no time,
It feels that it has to be done now,
Because eye can’t think with the chaos around,
Even though it’s my own creation,
My heart accelerates,
Eye start to hyperventilate,
What to do now?
When Eye’m already on the verge of a mental breakdown.

Forward

By Mac Guerreiro

What does progress look like?
Like choosing differently,
Standing still,
Where you would have stirred before,
Progress looks like finally seeing an open door,
It can look like shifting your gaze,
Seeing things in a different way,
But one thing is certain,
It seldom looks the same.

Chill

By Mac Guerreiro

It’s so cold,
The shadow you cast,
Eye have a really hard time with that,
Even when eye feel eye deserve it,
When eye’ve earned it,
The chill reaches my core,
And eye don’t know if we’re okay anymore,
It’s so cold in the shadow you cast,
And Eye’m faced with a fact,
Eye can’t rely on your sun,
Eye have to create my own,
No amount of apologies feel like enough,
When Eye’m seemingly estranged from your love.

Weak

By Mac Guerreiro

Sometimes eye wish you didn’t read this,
Eye’d be spared some feelings of people pleasing,
Eye’d be free of thoughts that keep me from writing,
Writing the stuff that sucks,
The stuff eye only write when it won’t remain inside,
Because Eye’m dramatic,
Eye always have been,
When every emotion is so big this happens,
Then tac on the neglect,
Drama,
How am eye to escape that,
Eye can’t,
Not within me anyway,
Not today,
You say we’re okay,
Parts of me won’t believe it,
Not yet,
Because it’s not safe,
Because “we’re okay” doesn’t seem to mean you’ll stay,
My logical brain,
Tries to calm me down,
But these parts don’t listen,
Not ever and not now,
So eye’ll hug myself close,
And just wait,
Because Eye’m weak in this regard,
Always expecting the worst card,
The Tower,
Where it all falls apart,
And when Eye’m wrong,
And eye live to love you another day,
Eye still can’t seem to convince myself you’ll stay,
Eye don’t know how much time it’ll take,
Eye don’t know how long you’ll remain,
Guess eye’ll see,
Damn,
Eye feel so weak.

Uncharted

By Mac Guerreiro

Eye’m going to bed soon,
Do eye call you?
We’re not fighting,
But last we talked you weren’t happy with me,
Rightfully,
And eye want to give you your space,
Eye could text,
Just to say goodnight,
But eye don’t know if even that feels right,
So eye write this instead,
To get it all out of my head,
Eye don’t know what eye’ll do,
But Eye’m leaning towards leaving you be,
Hoping,
Trusting you’ll come to me when you’re ready,
If you’re reading,
As you do,
Eye love you.
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