Eye Refuse

By Mac Guerreiro

Eye don’t understand,

Eye can’t understand,

Eye refuse to,

How one can can hurt void of remorse and walk free,

Although that seems to be the history,

In all honesty,

Well when does it stop?

When the souls of his victims begin to rot from inside?

Because the one who harmed them gets to roam outside?

With support from so many others who turn a blind eye,

It’s come to a time in which eye can’t separate my pain from theirs,

This could happen to any of us,

Anywhere,

Yet no one seems to care,

Not enough to say enough,

Not enough to put in effort,

Not enough to hold canceling to its name,

Well eye refuse to be the same,

Some will look at me with disdain,

A mocking glance at best,

Because on this topic eye refuse to rest,

Woman were hurt,

Are being hurt,

Are being SCARRED,

Because as a society we’re cowards,

So mock me,

Call me stupid,

Do whatever you’re gonna do,

Meanwhile eye’ll keep fighting for this world to be safe for #metoo.

Free

By Mac Guerreiro

To see you this way,

Your body barely able to carry your weight,

It makes me wish to say,

“It’s okay,

You can go now,

Be on your way”

You taught me so much,

Taught us,

Taught us how to love,

It seems that you all do that,

You choose your students,

And along for the ride we go,

What a hell of a ride it is,

To have intertwined my life with his,

Till the day when the lessons are learned,

When our road is done,

And off you are to be One,

Your chosen form never gone,

Because in our hearts you live on,

Eye thought it would be harder because you’re going away,

Eye see now,

It’s harder to watch you stay,

But it’s just one more day,

One more night,

Thank you for waiting for me before taking flight,

Eye will always carry your light,

Within me it glows,

Through my actions it shows,

Eye’m so grateful to have been one of the ones you chose.

The Way

By Mac Guerreiro

We meet and we part,

That’s the way,

Yet the parting need not reach the heart,

For the core knows no bounds,

Space and time can’t keep its power at bay,

And so even through the way,

We are given a chance to stay.

Anxious Insight

By Mac Guerreiro

Eye’m starting to see,

Eye’m starting to see how this isn’t about me,

How a trail of hurt has left you scarred,

How for you this “relationship thing” is already hard,

Eye’ve been feeling wronged,

Because if roles were flipped forgiveness would have already been a given,

Bringing you closer to me once again would have been the only decision,

But the thing is that eye can see who you are,

Even in moments when eye feel that we’re apart,

And then eye check myself and ask,

“What is the image in the mirror he is holding?”

He shows me the unforgiving ice queen,

The aspect in me who can only see,

A reject or be rejected scenario,

And it’s then that my heart softens just a little,

Eye can understand what might be his intention,

In spite of the hurt from not being extended any compassion,

And the sting of not being given a well-deserved benefit of the doubt,

All of the anger is gone

And eye’m left with just the undeniable void that forms when his energy opts out,

It sits in my chest like a vacuum of sorts,

And eye feel trapped because reaching out is a last resort,

You see,

We’re not so different after all,

When eye feel rejected like this,

It takes monumental happenings to push me to make the first call,

That’s not to say eye’m not an ever-shifting ball of anxiety,

One moment fine,

The next curled up and crying,

Hoping the phone will ring and it’ll be him calling,

And eye know that eye’d come running,

Even not knowing what the best option could be,

Getting close again would be my first priority,

As eye write eye can’t help but see,

How the knowing that he’ll read this is impacting me,

Feeling more vulnerable than usual,

Eye’ll tap the final keys,

Eye hope eventually even in anger and rage,

You figure out a way to see me.

Sisters

By Mac Guerreiro

There used to be many of us,

Eye supposed we are all still here,

Merely disconnect by ignorance and fear,

But not merely,

Our disconnection has caused destruction,

It is mirrored in the calloused way many regard the Mother,

Picking her flowers and polluting her waters,

Killing her young and ancient alike,

Asking that this cease isn’t enough,

Because the problem lies within us,

Within the sisterhoods that we’re swallowed by time,

Swallowed by crimes,

Crimes of men whom feared the power,

The power deriving from the ultimate flower,

Unaware that this power wants to be shared,

Shared with the masculine that proves to be grown,

The one whom can hold his own and provide space,

Space for her energy to glow,

Flow and grow,

The ancient ones knew,

They provided red tents for us during our moons,

Brought us food and provided protection,

In exchange for the magic connection,

One we must reignite,

By joining hands in shadow and in light,

The integration begins when the sisters reunite.

We Laugh

By Mac Guerreiro

It was always on my list,
Even if unconsciously,
We need to laugh,
To ease the tension,
To lighten the heavy,
We need to laugh because this is real,
With all of its intensity,
My wish was granted,
In tenfold,
We laugh so much,
We’ve developed our own jokes,
It seems that something in me always knew we would,
Eye just didn’t know it would feel this good. 

Running

By Mac Guerreiro

Self-sabotage. For a time now eye’ve struggled with the concept. You see, eye’ve compiled much evidence derived from my own personal growth journey and that of others that suggests there is no such thing when it comes down to it, because every bit of one’s being only does what they believe will benefit the whole. The trouble occurs when this aspect of self is rooted in trauma and is therefore stunted in their growth, continuing to act out the coping mechanism that worked back in childhood yet only seems to hinder now. That’s what eye believe “self-sabotage” to be. So, in order to break the cycle one must dive deeply and ask oneself the hard questions. Perhaps starting with one of the hardest: How does this destructive (as well as or simply ineffective) behavior benefit me?

From my own personal example of seeming to stay up till all hours on nights which sleep is the most important eye can say that being tired gives me a reason to not be too hard on myself if eye feel as if eye don’t measure up to the days task or tasks. The hidden positive is intriguing because usually eye am quite hard on myself. Maybe this is why this aspect is emerging. She is done with being crushed with so much pressure from her protectors (the sides of me that are radically concerned with achievement). Though it’s important to remember that those sides too have misguided coping mechanisms that can get overlooked if they are yielding the desired results for a time.

What does all of this have to do with running? Perhaps that’s what it feels like when eye deal with my fear of disappointment in this way. It feels as if Eye’m running; running my mind, running my energy…. just running.

It’s time to slow down and take a breath.

Unreadable

By Mac Guerreiro

Maybe it’s the obvious lack of desire,
Maybe it’s my eagerness to play,
Maybe it all has to do with something that happened to me,
Something minor,
With major consequences,
Maybe

Wonder

By Mac Guerreiro

It’s curiosity on steroids,
It’s the involuntary widening of your eyes at new information,
It’s a love for learning that can never be eradicated,
It’s within everyone,
Most especially when we are young,
Eye hope to set an example,
Of what happens when we stay,
When the wonder never fades. 

Pacing

By Mac Guerreiro

It keeps things manageable,
If it is set that way,
It’s truly the key,
Along with it comes another,
Patience,
They go hand in hand,
Or perhaps they don’t,
For as long as one is aware,
Impatience is allowed to be there,
So long as the process is trusted,
So long as the pace is respected. 

Preparations

By Mac Guerreiro

My therapist said,
She often encounters familiar stages,
Stages of motivation to be exact,
It seems that this is not a simple thing,
There are steps,
Desire,
Observation,
Preparation,
And only after do we encounter action,
This put me at ease,
It reassured me,
That eye am exactly where Eye’m meant to be. 

Those Whom Were Here

By Mac Guerreiro

It was during a viewing of “Outlander.” The Cherokee men and women stood with the woods proudly behind them. They joined Jamie, Claire and family around the fire but before the women sat they shared a moment. A moment of wisdom that seems to come most often from those women whose hair has turned white as snow. It was then that eye cried. Eye cried for the Natives, for all that’s been lost. Eye cried for their lands, now treated so poorly by people whom could never truly respect them. Eye cried for their beauty, seen as savagery by the same people who took their Earth away. Eye cried fast and hard because the aching came that way. Eye will continue crying until the blessed day in which man learns that all of that wasn’t his to take. Then eye will cry further still, joy being the why because then at something will be set right.

How?

By Mac Guerreiro

Eye know what eye need,
More or less,
Eye just can’t seem to actualize it. 

Pages

By Mac Guerreiro

He said that now we have history,
Now we have pages in The Book of Us. 

Still Floating

By Mac Guerreiro

Still feeling as if Eye’m floating,
The waters are calmer,
But eye am still unaware of where eye am,
Or where eye am going,
Trusting the current is my best bet,
Holding on to the important things for buoyancy,
Trust,
Trust,
Trust with all your might,
Hold on tight,
Soon enough more things will come to light.