Hopeless

By Mac Guerreiro

Eye’m a woman,
What else can eye say?
Fear is ingrained into me,
Compounded by trauma,
Time after time,
It runs my subconscious mind,
Eye’m healing,
Eye’m growing,
Of that Eye’m sure,
But it takes time for such aspects to mature,
Eye don’t want this,
To react this way,
To freak out,
But that’s how it is right now,
It used to be so much worse,
But that doesn’t seem to matter at all,
Maybe the only way eye grow is alone,
Because then eye can be gentle with myself,
Not afraid that Eye’m too much for someone else,
Not afraid of every mistake eye make,
Especially the ones eye really can’t help and even end up handling well,
But it’s too late,
Eye’m already afraid,
And that alone pushes you away,
My heart is fluttering,
Eye want to throw up,
Because mistakes like these equal breakups,
They always have,
And Eye’m so sad,
Because eye don’t want you to just be a part of my past,
Eye get where you’re coming from,
Eye really do,
All of the shit that scares you,
Eye live with too,
Up close and personal,
Healing takes time,
And for once Eye’m allowing myself that,
It would be really nice if you could too,
Because eye want to heal for me,
But eye also want to heal to better lead a life with you,
But healing is hard when the space isn’t safe,
When every mistake warrants a break,
No matter how eye handle it or not,
Feels no different from the perfectionist ways eye was taught,
The ways that created all the things you hate,
The things that make you wanna walk away,
Eye’m hopeless,
Because Eye’m doing all that eye can,
It doesn’t feel like enough,
But it’s all that eye can,
Eye will grow,
Eye am,
Eye hope you’re still down to be my man.

Published by Mystical Mac

Born in Brazil and raised in California eye am an artist better identified as a conscious creator and intuitive healer. My gift for storytelling in various forms as well as my keen perception into the metaphysical allows me to share my perspective in ways that eye hope are of help and use to those around me. Thank you for reading, listening and watching; it means the world to me.

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