By Mac Guerreiro
Self-sabotage. For a time now eye’ve struggled with the concept. You see, eye’ve compiled much evidence derived from my own personal growth journey and that of others that suggests there is no such thing when it comes down to it, because every bit of one’s being only does what they believe will benefit the whole. The trouble occurs when this aspect of self is rooted in trauma and is therefore stunted in their growth, continuing to act out the coping mechanism that worked back in childhood yet only seems to hinder now. That’s what eye believe “self-sabotage” to be. So, in order to break the cycle one must dive deeply and ask oneself the hard questions. Perhaps starting with one of the hardest: How does this destructive (as well as or simply ineffective) behavior benefit me?
From my own personal example of seeming to stay up till all hours on nights which sleep is the most important eye can say that being tired gives me a reason to not be too hard on myself if eye feel as if eye don’t measure up to the days task or tasks. The hidden positive is intriguing because usually eye am quite hard on myself. Maybe this is why this aspect is emerging. She is done with being crushed with so much pressure from her protectors (the sides of me that are radically concerned with achievement). Though it’s important to remember that those sides too have misguided coping mechanisms that can get overlooked if they are yielding the desired results for a time.
What does all of this have to do with running? Perhaps that’s what it feels like when eye deal with my fear of disappointment in this way. It feels as if Eye’m running; running my mind, running my energy…. just running.
It’s time to slow down and take a breath.