By Mac Guerreiro
Lately, as the prospects of LA actually beginning to open back up on May 15th appear to be more and more likely, eye’ve been feeling a bit uneasy. Sometimes restless and other times utterly overwhelmed. It’s my natural inclination to distract myself from both of those states, pretend eye don’t feel these two polarities within me coming and going in waves daily. Avoid, avoid, avoid… avoid the feelings that make you a “downer” and/or an “over-thinker” and pretend you can go with the flow.
Not this time. This time we’re getting real. So eye asked myself (selves) what are we afraid of? One chimes up saying she’s terrified of having to go back to work because getting “paid to create” has felt so nice. The other is also concerned about the money… about the time. About not being able to manage my time, like before, and therefore not being able to attract the most money. Always money, because money equals safety. At least to these parts of me. This is when eye realize that they both want safety. They’re terrified of being unsafe. Of not being able to rely on me (omniscient Mac) to provide that safety.
In all honesty, eye figured out all of the above as eye wrote it and currently eye have no tangible solutions for these selves within me. Eye can, however, say that eye get it now. This fear makes a lot more sense and my mind needed to make sense of it to be fully accepting of the storm that is its current state.