An Act of Femininity

By Mac Guerreiro

Ever since eye was in middle school, makeup is something eye’ve played with. In all honesty, even before that eye had a deep appreciation for it as well as the art of hair styling due to my nine years of dancing, love for dressing up and ample opportunities to be a flower girl (literally some of my fondest memories).

When eye was old enough to experiment eye went through phases that consisted of taking forever (because eye thought eye had to), becoming efficient enough to not feel “high-maintenance” (again, because eye cared way too much what that looked like to others), to eventually settling on my acceptable thirty to fourth-five minute threshold before eye am officially ready for the night, event, etc.

For a long time that was where eye stood with makeup. This thing eye do because on a level eye feel that if eye don’t people will see me a certain way that eye don’t want to be seen. Eye wouldn’t wear it unless eye had work, an audition, a date or any occasion in which eye felt it was socially ostracizing to show up void of makeup. It’s clear now that eye developed a bit of resentment towards it and it wasn’t until recently that said resentment began to melt away.

Before all of this Coronapocalypsy craziness happened a friend of mine came into town from Arizona and the two of us along with my roommate decided a photoshoot would be fun. It’s fair to point out that my roommate just wanted an excuse to do some makeup on me that is entirely counter to the makeup eye normally do on myself; but hey, that was good enough reason. Eye asked her to walk us through the process as she did first my eyes then my friend’s and that day eye learned some tricks that opened up a new world for me in terms of makeup. By learning to step up my eyes eye’ve been compelled to look into the more intricate ways of doing my face (can’t have killer eyes with an okay face πŸ™„) and of course in order to improve, practice is key which means eye’ve been practicing quite a bit.

It’s highly unlike me to not psychoanalyze shifts in my being especially shifts as large as this one so eye got into really thinking about this. What created my resentment with makeup in the first place? What about learning to do more things and getting to embody a totally different look felt so empowering?

To answer the first question: eye believe that over time eye began to feel like makeup was a way that eye made myself better rather than using it to reflect what’s already present. Eye used it as a mask when eye went to do the things that required me to “fit” into a particular role that eye inherently felt eye didn’t fully belong in.

As for the second question(s): eye had forgotten what it felt like to embody a different “person.” Eye put that in quotes because we all have different personalities living within us and every time eye’ve played a role as an actress eye’ve pulled from those different aspects of myself making them part of me rather than different altogether. Putting on makeup brings those forgotten pieces to the forefront and allows you to give them expression. In expressing them you become more aware of where they fit in the whole that is you. There’s also something to be said about how learning new ways of doing things can be very invigorating and it was no different for me in this case. After only knowing how to work with neutral colors for so long it felt like the rainbow was opened up to me. Eye can now venture into black eyeshadow without nearly as much fear and hesitation that Eye’m about to waste three night-outs worth of makeup.

All of this is quite liberating for me but there was one thing my subconscious was concerned about in regards to my falling in love with makeup and that is becoming that “high-maintenance” girl. Mostly eye worried my boyfriend would find it silly or in the very least not give it any mind at all which for one such as myself that thrives on verbal validation and people whom pay close attention that would also suck. To my pleasant surprise he let me know he really appreciates this new “hobby” of mine (yes it’s in quotes because eye am not fully ready to accept that this is true πŸ˜…). When eye asked him why he simply said that it was “the ultimate act of femininity” which may be accurate for many of us; it certainly is for me.

In the beginning of my journey in reconnecting to my inner goddess eye never considered makeup to be a major step in it but as eye see the pieces fall it’s impossible to imagine this journey without unfolding any other way.

Published by Mystical Mac

Born in Brazil and raised in California eye am an artist better identified as a conscious creator and intuitive healer. My gift for storytelling in various forms as well as my keen perception into the metaphysical allows me to share my perspective in ways that eye hope are of help and use to those around me. Thank you for reading, listening and watching; it means the world to me.

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