By Mac Guerreiro
Eye’ve gotten used to being a lot. A lot of feelings, a lot of volume, a lot of thoughts… just a lot. It’s served me to be myself in this way for the most part. Whenever eye set my mind to learning or accomplishing something eye am all in with the whole lot that follows. Notice how eye did say “for the most part”. Maybe some of you women or highly sensitive men are picking up on what Eye’m about to say. Being “a lot” has never helped in the romantic relationship department.
My own mother (though not intentionally) scarred me with the words “you are just too much for most men to handle.” She went on to say that the kind of men eye tend to be interested in also don’t often end up with women like me: the loud, sensitive, and whatever else you want to shove into the category of a lot. It’s due to this conversation had on a few occasions that an aspect of me gave up on the idea of this man all together. Now, eye’ve realized cynicism isn’t something eye can sustain through my whole being, but it’s become very clear to me that a small percentage of me has been nothing but cynical. Until now.
They say that to heal something is to experience the opposite. We could say that it’s due to this that this aspect of me is softening. It’s due to his love that she’s realizing her cynicism had more to do with her belief that she was unlovable than any particular suitor’s abilities. There’s so much to unpack here, but this blog isn’t about all that. It’s a nod to no small feat that he accomplishes seamlessly every day. He makes me feel like loving me is easy.