By Mac Guerreiro
The tears push forward and pool at the edges of my eyes, threatening to spill over, taking my freshly applied makeup in their wake. Eye don’t want to cry, eye want to seem stoic, eye want to hide these fears that have scared so many before him away. He said “considering both of your animals are the type that require minimal maintenance I don’t know why it is that I don’t benefit from that same long leash.”
Eye froze, because eye didn’t realize there was a leash, much less its length. Plus, that’s not what eye want; eye want to trust that as far as he wanders he will always return on his own accord. Typing this now, eye realize, regardless of their independence my animals are okay being interdependent with me. Eye never fear that they’ll reject me or run away so giving them space is easy, whereas giving him space is a risk… at least that’s how the fearful one sees it.
In her experience, space is taken and then she is left in the dark. Soon enough she finds out about the end without having ever had a chance to help, to do something. To her, that is space, a gateway to goodbye. Eye can’t expect her to feel any other way when this is all she’s ever known. Although, eye can see how hard it can be to express the desire and need for distance when dealing with someone like us. It’s our hope those desires and needs are expressed anyway, so we can at least try. Try to give to what’s being asked of us before it’s too late. Before it all goes away.
The tears still threaten, even though some have already found their way out. They’ll push and push till my eyes readily let them fall, until they’ve all fallen. Eye haven’t found resolution, eye’m not sure that eye will just yet. Not sure what to do. Release is a good start, perhaps when the tears fall they’ll lighten the heaviness in my heart.