By Mac Guerreiro
He said, “I figured maybe you just didn’t date black guys,” and at this, eye laughed because when looking back, my history could certainly cause reason for such an assumption. However, in this case, it was nothing of the sort. At first it was an unwillingness to believe that he isn’t a fuckboi, then it was the awareness that his heart was already spoken for, lastly it was the fear of ruining the most beautiful friendship eye’ve come to know in a long time. So when did the shift occur? When did eye start to See him?
We were standing in a hot tub surrounded by a few people all of whom eye’d just recently met and he seemed to already know. It was a lovely summer night somewhere between San Diego and Los Angeles and his skin glistened in the glow of the hot tub’s light. Trying not to stare eye took note of his tattoos, all symmetrically placed and intriguing to say the least. Eye could feel his eyes, even when mine were looking away. That was the moment… eye Saw him and since then eye can never unsee him.
We participated in an interesting conversation held by the group, and soon enough found ourselves in one that held only room for two. Eye can hardly remember what it was all about because my mind kept going between “damn, he’s hot,” and “damn he’s smart.” That’s not including the awareness eye had for the way his energy was taking in mine. The chemistry sizzled and at the end of that night he walked me to my car; part of me wished he just drove me home, but the woman he was with wouldn’t have appreciated that. Eye intended on driving back to LA but was held up by an endless amount of roadwork that kept all of my viable freeway entrances inaccessible for what felt like hours. Sometime during my endless ride we talked on the phone, something he “never did” but seemed to enjoy doing with me.
It’s been a couple of months since that night and things have changed in ways that fill my heart with more love and joy than eye can describe with mere words. What hasn’t changed is my appreciation for him, the way my eyes lock into his almost instantly. The way his touch causes all of my cells to perk up take note. The way my life both present and future only feels right with him in the picture.
If you’re reading this, because eye know that you do, you wanted me to notice you and now that eye have, you are an essential part of my truth.