One Out of Seven

By Mac Guerreiro

Eye have deep shame for what eye’m about to tell you, and this shame stems from an every deeper place. Discipline has always been something people say eye have so eye too became accustomed to believing that. Perhaps eye am disciplined, but lately eye haven’t felt that way in regards to my every day life. More importantly, in regards to food and cannabis. Don’t get me wrong, my version of being undisciplined likely looks much more disciplined to most than eye give myself credit for; but that’s the thing about struggles, they’re subjective. Eye’ve come to a place in which eye am ready to not be at the mercy of my food cravings which means that eye must be ready to let go of cannabis, at least for a while.

Today while on the phone with a friend eye explored this a little. What is it that eye could say eye’m addicted to when it comes to food and cannabis (more importantly the combination of the two)? In all reality eye love the act of smoking a joint; just me, the outside and a j. For a fast paced mind like mine it’s a phenomenal excuse to sit down and enjoy just being while still doing something that elicits good feelings but that allows me to reach a sense of stillness all the same. Once the joint is finished the familiar feeling of munching comes on. My mind goes to all of the places where fast food and sweets live and once there it will not leave until my body has consumed whatever the mind has conceived of and decided upon. At this point, eye’m not eating to nourish my body, but rather for pure entertainment and pleasure. Now, there’s nothing wrong with finding pleasure in food, but that’s what special occasions are for such as birthdays, holidays, lunches with friends, etc. Eating vegan donut ice cream sandwiches by myself at 2 am hardly qualifies.

After my exploration eye realized that the cannabis helps me reach some stillness while the food (prep and eating) fills my time and brings me pleasure yet takes very little brain power (this is key because my smoke-and-eat patterns seem to occur on days and nights in which eye desire to expend as little brain power as possible). Both of these payoffs could be achieved through some form of mediation and putting energy into my more mellow creative projects. This is why eye need to gain more discipline in regards to cannabis, because one puff too many and eye’m off to junk food land and once it hits my mind it’s only a matter of time till my body follows suit.

They say once you master your body you can master nearly anything, eye’m ready to know how that feels. Maybe eye’ll allow myself one joint at the end of my week, but it’s more likely eye’ll just stop for a while all together. It’s time eye call upon that aspect of me that everyone found to be so disciplined; simultaneously eye must hold compassion for and meet the needs of the aspect of me that craves that stillness and mindless productivity and pleasure.

Published by Mystical Mac

Born in Brazil and raised in California eye am an artist better identified as a conscious creator and intuitive healer. My gift for storytelling in various forms as well as my keen perception into the metaphysical allows me to share my perspective in ways that eye hope are of help and use to those around me. Thank you for reading, listening and watching; it means the world to me.

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